How not to be a Therapist to your Partner

We are in each other’s care. Knowing what your partner needs in terms of support is important. Do they need you to listen and reflect back what you heard? Do they need reassurance that they will get through this? Would they like you to validate their thoughts or feelings?  The continuum of support giving bleeds into being a…

Give Trust: Practicing Soft Power in Your Relationship

Margaret and Tony fell in love when they were teens but didn’t date and eventually marry each other until their mid-30’s. She called to seek couples therapy and said, “I can’t trust him and I can’t stop crying about it.” Margaret found out about an emotional affair Tony had been having with a coworker for…

What is PACT Couples Therapy?

The Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® or PACT, is the application of research in the following areas to improve interactions between couples: Neuroscience, the study of how our brain’s physiological reactions influence our relationships; Attachment Theory, our biological need for connection; and “The biology of human arousal” which underpins our ability and desire to engage in the moment. Further…

Leading with Relief

It’s not just kids that need to feel safe. Back from a long family weekend, my husband and I needed to do some food shopping for the week. My energy was spent and I needed support so as we walked toward the grocery store, I held onto his arm and said, “Stay close to me…

Creating A Couple Bubble

Chapter excerpt from HeartWise: Deepening and Evolving Love Relationships It was a beautiful bluebird day. My husband and I took a day off mid-week to kayak our favorite whitewater area at the headwaters of the Colorado River offering views of nesting Eagles and pristine clear water.  As we climbed upwards from Denver on Interstate 70,…

Crying Over Spilt Milk – Quieting the Inner Judge When Accidents Happen

While on vacation, my husband and I shared a soy latte on a park bench in a suburb of Sydney. We also shared a sticky ‘cross-bun’ and watched little children take short pony rides while their mothers’ recorded the experience on their phones.  The coffee was yummy and we were savoring the moment when my…